so i've been busy at work making cocoons... which has been a much creepier process that i anticipated. i keep expecting gross bugs to spill out of them, when ever i uncover them. maybe thats just cuz a grasshopper jumped out at me one day..? my brain has been working overtime on what to do once these little guys are fired and how i want to display them. i was thinking maybe yarn or feathers or something, not sure. i know i want a natural-ish outside and some kinda fuzzy-ness spilling out from inside.
i've found that i keep wanting to cover objects with fabric or yarn and originally i thought it was about stuffing to 'bring to life'... but i think its more about protecting or tricking myself by hiding scary or uncomfortable things as an attempt at coping. because even if its scary, it still feels like it is mine to protect. so these little cocoons have become my little babies... i feel a real need to cuddle and protect them... weird i know! so i'm not sure what is inside that i'm needing to protect but never fear protect it i will. wow talk about off my rocker...?
wow dream dream dream! i have so many werid dreams...
yesterday morning: i was a member of NCIS and we were running around a neighborhood at night with guns ( but they werent heavy and when we needed to run or swim, they disappeared) trying to find something that seemed out of the ordinary so we could catch the bad guy. well i saw a little girl laying next to the sidewalk in front of her house, some of my friends/NCIS people stopped to help her but i keep running except i started flying/swimming threw the air and i couldn't seem to get there fast enough b/c i was trying to figure out why this spot light kept shinning on this one house. but the light caught me and i stopped swimming. and could hear my thoughts say (like in tv when you hear a character's thoughts) "its like the know what i'm thinking" then i remember feeling really scared like i was in danger.
so i think its really odd that i want to protect things and how in my dreams i seem to always feel scared because someone is chasing me or after me... maybe i want to be protected so i just overprotect everyone and everything else... maybe some psyc-student should study me.
snuggly little family: